"What do you mean I'm not allowed to sleep in the laundry basket?"

One Thing I Realized...

…about my dating life today.  I need to lay off the manly, adrenaline junkies for boyfriends/hot dates shtick I got going.  Let me give you three reasons I say this: 

1.) When you can first of all say you have an ex that regularly wields chainsaws, guns, and axes for fun, plus blew out both his knees in separate BMX related incidents, you already have a problem.  When this same ex, who you are still friends with and fond of, sends you a picture of the foot long, five inch deep chain saw wound in his leg because he “slipped”… you know you need to rethink life in general.  And remind this ex that wounds, like the one he got when he split his eyebrow open in an unnamed incident with a log and an axe, which you dutifully patched with butterfly bandages because he refused to go get stitches, make you queasy.  So maybe a warning might be nice next time he almost bleeds out and dies and feels like sending you a picture of the aftermath.  

2.) Three out of the last four men I’ve dated/gone on dates with have met all these criterion: 

-Had or have a street bike (can you say organ donor?)

-Carried firearms on a regular basis/shot firearms for fun (yeah deadly weapons!)

-Had really nice biceps (uhm... well, just yum... not dangerous, but yum) 

-Considered deep sea diving, spelunking, trad climbing, sky-diving, BMX racing and camping outside in below freezing weather or some combo of these semi-dangerous sports a “fun hobby.”  (Yes, I consider camping outside in below freezing weather a semi-dangerous sport.  That’s how my brain works). Nothing like dating a man who thinks risking drowning, getting lost/stuck and starving to death, plummeting to death, plummeting to death, getting run over, or freezing to death is fun.

3.) All of them are exes.  Enough said.  I swear them off!

And no.  No pictures.  I decided the wound pictures were just too graphic. 



P.S.  I think I already take back my vow not to date any more manly adrenaline junkies.

How To Wash An EXTRA Large Dog Bed

Why does my extra-large dog bed need washed you may ask?  Because an 8 pound prophet of doom and destruction, otherwise known as Ket, peed on it!  You heard me right.  Peed on it.  There was much anger in my house today. 

Anyways.  How to wash an extra-large dog bed….

1. Notice pee. Scream!  Scoop up the dog bed and run with it into the bathroom before the pee dribbles off onto the rug, which SOMEONE inevitably peed on later. 

2. Squirt some laundry detergent into the tub then run hot water.

3. Remember it is trash day, run outside to take out the recycling and trash and forget the water is running.  Almost flood house.  

4. Scream!  Run into the bathroom and turn off the water. Drain a little excess away.

5. Put the dog bed, which is big enough that your first born could theoretically sleep on it (i.e. it would never fit in the washing machine or dryer), into the tub.  

6. Realize this plan might not have been thought through very clearly. 

7. Swish dog bed around to the extent the tub allows.  Watch dog bed shed.  Yes, shed.  It wasn’t all Oliver’s hair.  

8. Deny urge to abandon ship and make hot chocolate with three times the amount of coco mix called for and two shots of rum. 

 

9. Rinse bed in same manner as washed bed, just without laundry detergent and in cold water. 

  

10.  Have second realization of the night.  A waterlogged dog bed is considerably heavier than a dry dog bed.  This one now weighs about as much as the dog himself.  

11. Let dog bed sit in the tub and go get the cloths rack that you have, in a fit of genius, decided to put in the bathtub and hoist the dog bed on top of so it can drip dry overnight.  

12. Laugh hysterically as the drying rack begins falling apart and coming askew.  Weep a little.

13.  Fix drying rack.

14. Hoist and heave at sopping wet dog bed until it is on top of the drying rack.  Hold breath as drying rack almost collapses, but holds.

15. Turn on space heater to speed the drying process.  

16.  Re-think life in general. 

Don’t I make sharing your life with a dog sound great?  Actually, it is.  Little dogs just aren’t good at house training.  Oliver hasn’t had an accident in the house since... since he got a stomach bug.  We'll leave it at that.  

Love ya! 

Dishes.

Question:  How do you know when it is time to do the dishes (besides the smell?)




Answer:  When you are swigging water out of wine glasses to take your morning vitamins because you've used all your glasses... and bowls. 



True story.

Tomorrow my papers are in the mail and I do dishes!  I'll spare everyone pictures of the disaster that is my kitchen.  Last night a friend came over and I expressly forbade them from entering my kitchen and kept all the lights off in the entire house so they couldn't glimpse my shame.  

Instead let me leave you with an image of something soothing...

Mmmmm.  (And no, there is no connection between this whiskey, wine, and good liquor as to why I've neglected the dishes.  It's the school papers. For true!)

Three Reasons To Be Happy... and Not.

I love my dogs...

...but something in the house smells like urine.  Not cat urine. Dog urine. After so many years of living with pets, yes, I know the difference.  And after two days of working on school papers, and facing a few months of thesis work, and realizing that I think it is my lovely Ikea rug, which Ket has taken to peeing on. And Oliver piddled on while scared during Friendsgiving (since he's terrified of everyone but me).  And Lilly threw up on.  

Well... I'm tired.  So I'm posting sweet pictures of my dogs to remind myself why I love my animals...

...and am going to throw the rug out.  Instead of them. 

New Bed

The picture quality is dark, but this made my day.  I have finally decided that the dogs are no longer allowed on the furniture. I have nice furniture and I am tired of it getting ruined by my dear dogs.  So I bought Oliver a new, large, dog bed. Here is what he did with it...

The Sword In The Ham.

Only he who is worthy shall pull the sword.  This is from the actual Thanksgiving day!  What a blessing to have two days.  Now I can spend the next two weeks working off the damage done to my waistline in the last two days. :)  Night everyone.